Victoria Vetri, Magda Konopka, others
Enter an age of unknown terrors, pagan worship and virgin sacrifice… A Hammer film greater than ‘ONE MILLION YEARS B.C.’
Well… that’s just not the case. There’s a promotional short “Beauty and Beasts” showing Hammer executives talking about how they made Raquel Welch and Ursula Andress stars and next they’re going to do the same for Victoria Vetri. Can’t win them all.
The actual story
The whole film is in a mumbo jumbo caveman language. That worked for One Million Years B.C. because it was focused on the dinosaurs. Despite the name, here the dinos are a side show in a plot about how a botched sacrifice of blonde women to the sun creates the moon. It probably wouldn’t make much sense even if it was in English, and watching grown men yell gibberish gets tedious. However Vetri’s main conflict is staying within her barely-there leather bikini.
Vetri is showing a cave dude her wall paintings when he demonstrates his idea of prehistoric romance—grabbing her neck and ripping her clothes off.
A film like this wouldn’t be complete without a wrestling match between a blonde (Vetri) and a brunette (Konopka).
Beyond the film
In Jurassic Park there’s a banner that reads “When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth.”